


made you miss

by cyrusthegoodman



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, but so is tj, tbh cyrus is sad and gay, these boys deserve the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 10:21:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18341726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyrusthegoodman/pseuds/cyrusthegoodman
Summary: After costume day, Cyrus struggles with the aftermath of TJ bailing on him.Title based on "Made You Miss" by Maddie Poppe.





	made you miss

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoy hehe

Ever since Costume Day, Cyrus spent so much time waiting for the apology he knew he deserved. It took him about three weeks before he realized that was not going to happen anytime soon. He stopped trying to talk to TJ. He stopped trying to get an explanation out of him. TJ was ignoring all of his texts, leaving him on ‘read’ almost every time. All of his friends told him he wasn’t a bad person for wanting to know. TJ hurt him really bad, but he couldn’t help but miss him. They had become a lot closer and, even worse, Cyrus was definitely starting to get a crush on him. The way he felt when TJ ditched him is what really solidified this knowledge for him. As bad as he felt, he couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of finally realizing it because TJ hurt him.

Still, the number of imagined scenarios he came up with in his anxiety-ridden mind was enough to make him think it was all his fault, just like he had when it happened with Jonah so long ago. However, Jonah turned out to be the best friend he could ever ask for. He knew he was lucky in that regard; his friends were the best people he could possibly surround himself with. Had he not met Andi, Buffy, and Jonah, he probably wouldn’t be able to survive, especially now that TJ was completely gone.

After about a month of consistent ghosting and no explanations, Cyrus finally gave up. He didn’t want to spend the rest of his life thinking about what could have been, because the honest and sad reality was that it was never really going to be anything. Maybe he had just imagined all the times he had seemed so close to TJ. Maybe all the nights they stayed up until ungodly hours of the morning texting and playing video games meant nothing. Maybe he had misread the entire situation and TJ just felt bad for him. After all, TJ didn’t really need him anymore after he made up with Buffy. That’s probably the only reason they were friends, right? TJ needed a way to make Buffy help him, and then after realizing his mistakes, someone to help get Buffy to forgive him. Maybe he was just using Cyrus all along and never really cared about him at all.

In time, he started to develop something like a hatred for TJ. He hadn’t talked to him for over three months. They would always make awkward eye contact in the school hallway, constantly met with a scared face and a quick glance to the ground. Sometimes, Cyrus still wanted to go to him and ask if he was okay, but what was the point of giving someone attention when they had been ignoring you for months on end? There just wasn’t. He tried to rationalize reasons, but this time he decided to listen to the advice of his friends. They always knew best. They tried to protect him when he wasn’t skeptical enough to protect himself.

Six months after the infamous costume day was when everything came crashing to a halt. A notification had popped up on Cyrus’s phone, one he hadn’t seen in such a long time.  **TJ Kippen.** Everything within him was desperate to open the message. He was clinging onto his last hope of finally getting answers. He didn’t even really care about TJ anymore. At this point, being friends with him again wasn’t going to happen. He needed this for himself, and he didn’t even have to be convinced into believing that nothing TJ Kippen could say would send him crawling back into his arms. He didn’t miss him anymore. 

But for TJ, the timing of Cyrus realizing this couldn’t be worse. His text, the first in a long time, simply read  **I miss you.** It was true. He missed Cyrus a  _ lot. _ He missed Cyrus every time he would walk into the school cafeteria and see the muffins, messily sorted onto podium. He missed Cyrus every time he went back to work at the kids gym. He missed Cyrus every time he went to the Spoon and saw the booth he would always sit in while waiting for TJ to meet up with him after school, but Cyrus wasn’t waiting anymore. He missed Cyrus every time he found himself hanging out with Reed and Lester again, the people who had sparked a rift between him and Cyrus the first time. Most importantly, he missed Cyrus every time he saw Kira playing on the girls’ basketball team. Deep down he knew it was partially his fault, but blaming Kira was much easier than admitting the truth to himself.  _ He  _ was the problem.

In the six months he was avoiding Cyrus, he thought about all the times he had let him down before. He remembered the sad look on Cyrus’s face at the swingset when he didn’t apologize to him. He remembered the complete devastation written all over Cyrus’s face when he matched with Kira instead. Sure, he could’ve apologized right then and there, but what about the next time? And the next? How many more times would he have to hurt Cyrus before Cyrus would finally realize he didn’t want to be around him anymore? He cared way too much about Cyrus to put him through any more pain than he had to. He was always told, if you love someone, sometimes you have to let them go. Did that apply in this situation?

His answer came about an hour after he sent the text. A text from none other than Cyrus Goodman that simply read,  **I’m glad.** A wave of realization rushed over him. Cyrus didn’t know that TJ was just trying to protect him. He didn’t know about the countless number times TJ came so close to responding but didn’t. From his point of view, TJ just dropped him like he had never meant anything to him at all. 

**Can I explain?** He wanted to be careful. Cyrus didn’t know him anymore, and he didn’t know Cyrus. There were six months of dead air between them, and radio silence can’t be broken unless someone gets scared from the sudden burst in noise. Cyrus responded much quicker this time:  **You can try.** TJ knew that was the truth. There was nothing he could say to make this right, not even sorry, but he was definitely going to try. If anything, he knew Cyrus deserved to know the truth. If he was at least able to accomplish that, maybe someday he would be able to forgive  _ himself. _

**To begin: I’m sorry. I know I’ll never be able to make it up to you, but I hope you can at least understand why I did what I did. I was scared. I let Kira get into my head. I didn’t want anyone to know that I’m gay. More specifically, I didn’t want anyone to know I liked you. So, I matched with her instead. It was an impulsive decision and, honestly, I went to bed that night planning to match with you. The text she sent me that morning changed my mind. I think she was threatening to out me, or tell you I liked you. I honestly don’t even know. Then, when I realized how badly I hurt you (for the second time in like.. a really small span of time), I decided it would be better for you if I wasn't in your life anymore. I know that was dumb, and I know that probably didn't make anything better at all. You deserve to know, though.**

He couldn't breathe; his chest felt like it was being stepped on while he was simultaneously breathing through a straw. There's really nothing you can do to prepare yourself for someone's response to your vulnerability. Even if it goes well, it's still terrifying.

**Cyrus Goodman.** TJ looked down at his phone, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

**Thanks for telling me.**

It was over.


End file.
